RantBlogger Get Paid to Write Rants

By You on March 9, 2009

A paid submission by “EmergenC Emma”

I know that we, as Americans, have a little teensy bit of a language problem now that Spanish is becoming so pervasive, but let’s just come to some understanding that we are trying on both sides and not get all lathered up when there are some slipups and confusion.

As an ER nurse I get to see a lot of excitement and sometimes, I end up in the middle of it all. We had a new resident working one night and God knows he was wet behind the ears and on top of his head. We had a car pull to a stop in the loading zone and immediately the horn began to blare. Of course, the resident doctor had to leap to the rescue and run outside and he brought me, his faithful assistant, along for the fun. The car held an obvious birthing in progress that was rapidly occurring in the back seat, and the young mom-to-be was screaming and crying. Not to be outdone, her mom and husband were in the front seat adding to the unholy shrieking and commotion by yelling at us in Spanish.

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Posted under Bizarre / Funny, Work

By Ahmed on March 6, 2009

Dear readers of RantBlogger,

It has come to my attention that a writer named Charleton Lamb from the Harvard Crimson, Harvard’s largest newspaper, has posted a vicious rant about RantBlogger on the Crimson’s blog. The rant is titled A Rant on Rants. This post is a response to his rant.

Let me tell you the whole story about Mr. Lamb and his rant. As I was going to bed on Wednesday night, I received an email from Mr. Lamb:

Hi Ahmed,
I’m charleton with the Crimson. And I just have a couple questions about rantblogger.
Where do you get the money to pay for these rants?
What is your business model?
What is the future for rantblogger?
It would be great if you could hit me back sometime tonight
Charleton

It seemed like a sincere request for information, so I stayed up an extra hour writing Mr. Lamb an 800-word email describing the operations of RantBlogger and our future site, WriteBite.com. I even attached a Powerpoint — one that I had made for some venture capitalists who came to Harvard Business School — detailing WriteBite and its business model. Interesting enough, Mr. Lamb used absolutely none of the information that I provided him in response to his three questions. It seems as if my 800-word email was too long for him to digest. So he ignored it, skipped over the facts, and like an amateur journalist, pulled an article about RantBlogger straight out of his ass.

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Posted under Announcements

By You on February 28, 2009

A paid submission posted anonymously

I work at a large retail store. There is one day above all other days that I dread. A day so miserable that the stomach flu sounds like a mighty enjoyable pastime, if it could get me out of work. So what is this day? The day before Xmas? Nope. Black Friday? Nope. It’s access card day, otherwise known as food stamp day.

Oh, the horror! First I must say that I have no problem at all with welfare programs as a temporary aid to people that are having a hard time. I also have no problem with welfare for people who have a valid reason for why they can’t work. By valid, I mean a disability or medical reason. Being morbidly obese is not cause to receive food stamps.

The main reason food stamp day is so horrible is this: my tax dollars are buying food for others that is way better than the stuff I can afford for myself after busting my ass off at work. We’re talking Delmonico steaks, shrimp, and yes, let’s not forget LOBSTER. They buy candy, chips, frozen pizzas and frozen everything else. Never mind the fact that most of these people don’t have jobs and should at least have time to prepare real meals for their children. God forbid they have to miss People’s Court to cook a dinner.

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Posted under Daily Life

By Ahmed on February 21, 2009

Visit www.presidentplease.com

Posted under Bizarre / Funny

By Ahmed on February 17, 2009

The post below is a genuine copy of an email sent by a student driven mad by his college’s unreasonably slow maintenance crew.

Dear Harvard Yard Operations,

On January 30^th I submitted an online maintenance request form on your website asking that the shades in my room be replaced. Almost three weeks later, I have yet to receive any kind of service or even a response. Early last week, I left a message on your answering machine simply asking for the status of my request. No one has called me back.

Last Wednesday (Feb. 11), I called your office again. This time a woman told me that someone would “hopefully” stop by tomorrow to take care of my shades. Hopefully? Well, my hope ran dry as the next day passed and no one came, and as of February 17^th my broken shades have received no attention.

I’m left to conclude that Harvard is either a) suffering from a severe shortage of shades or b) has laid off too many of its skilled “shadesmen”, or quite possibly both of these unfortunate circumstances are upon us. In dire times like these, I can understand the cuts. After all, micro-thin plastic shades are an expensive luxury, shade installation is a costly and time-consuming process, and seasoned shadesmen often demand salaries well above those of America’s top corporate CEO’s. But why must Yard Ops deceive the student population, who are unaware of the current crisis?

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Posted under Bizarre / Funny, School